When your child feels pressure ...

My wife and I are keenly aware of the pressure some parents put on their kids. Two of our daughters are enrolled in gymnastics, and let's just say some of those parents are, oh, what's the word ... intense.

Their kids' faces show only tension. They look exhausted, 50-year-olds in an 11-year-old body.

I'm not a perfect parent. Not even close. I'm sure I pressure my older girls in ways I'm not aware.

That said, lately, we've started to encounter a new trait: our girls excessivley pressuring themselves.

Our oldest called herself "stupid" because she was having trouble with a song on the piano. Our middle broke down in tears – hysterical at a soccer game – because she wasn't able to score a goal. She had just scored one a few minutes earlier and would score a couple of more later in the game. Plus, check out the video. That's her spinning around and around before toppling over. She's a little goofball. We have no idea where the disappointment in herself came from. I'm not even convinced she knows she's at a soccer game half the time.

So what are parents to do when pressure on a child comes from within that child?

Well, first of all, a little pressure is OK. Failure might even be a good thing. Too much pressure is where parents must step in when the child can't help herself.

In the case of our crying little soccer player, "Kids love winning as much as they hate losing. There is nothing wrong with wanting to win," writes Pam Gaulin for Yahoo!'s "Shine" website. "Life, from the kids' baseball field to school scholarships to that high profile job, runs on competition. We need to temper that with the enjoyment of the sport. Kids can be taught that they can have fun and still strive to win, it's not an either/or situation. Teaching a child that winning simply doesn't matter is confusing and will feel false to your child."

So keep it fun. Talk up the fun she's having with teammates. Don't compare her to others. Check, check and check.

What about our 6-year-old calling herself "stupid?" Well, it might be a simple matter of her needing reassurance. This online answer about reassuring your child is helpful.

We as parents can do a lot for kids, but we can't do everything. They're going to struggle. They're going to get frustrated. They're going to pressure themselves, and that's fine.

But at some point it's going to stop being fine. When it does, just be there for them. Tell them you're proud of them. Do the best you can.

Follow Dave Schwartz on Twitter @daveschwartz.

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