You Just Might Be a Parent...

Here are some spot-on ways to determine if you are a parent. Well, aside from actually having children, that is. Having kids is a pretty good sign that you're a parent.

If you’ve looked at a half-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich and thought, “Yeah, it’s mostly crust, but if I eat this, I don’t have to make myself a sandwich.”

If you automatically check any restroom for a diaper-changing station.

If you plan ten minutes to get from your house to your car -- better yet, your van -- and it’s only parked in your own garage.

If the phrase “Wash your face, hands, feet and bum” trips off your tongue every time you hear a bathtub filling.

If it seems odd to pour a glass of milk with two hands.

If you are talking to someone holding an infant and you realize you’re swaying in time with that person.  You know that goofy sway dance you do to keep your small one quiet so you can actually have a conversation?  You’re a parent if no one needs to teach you that choreography.

If you try to find a parking space near the entrance of a store not because you don’t want to walk, but because there are fewer puddles between your car and the store’s door.

If you find yourself missing “Kids Place Live” when you drive the car that doesn’t have the XM radio.

If you tweet about your four-year-old mispronouncing “ridiculous” as “re-deek-lee-lus.”

If seeing your child disappointed in himself/herself pins your heart to the floor between your feet.

If you have ever pulled over to the side of the road to retrieve a dropped toy to quiet a screaming child.

If you start referring to your parents as Grandma and Grandpa instead of Mom and Dad.

If you have learned the “Smile and nod” and trot it out every time that obnoxious mom starts bragging about how smart her kid is, when you can see him behind her shoving rocks into his nose.

If you regularly ask the questions “Did you wipe?” and “Where are your mittens?”

If you have uttered the desperate phrase, “I don’t want to know unless there is blood, vomit, or fire!” to someone who has said, “Mom, look at this!” six thousand times on the drive to school.

If you find yourself making up titles like, “My most favorite blonde daughter” and “My most favorite third child” and “My most favorite boy whose name starts with an ‘M’” to have enough favorites to encompass your entire brood.

If your relaxing trip to the library becomes a game of “keeping the toddler from un-shelving all of the picture books.”

If you buy a new car and the criteria for selection is solely, “How many car seats will it fit?”

If it is not unusual to step on Legos and think them an effective deterrent for bare-footed burglars.

If you cherish the moment in between when all of the children fall asleep and when the first one wakes up for whatever reason they wake. 

If you use that moment to FINALLY use the bathroom and maybe eat the rest of someone’s bedtime snack before you brush your teeth and fall into bed.

If, before you fall into bed, you peek in upon your sleeping children and melt a bit as you spy them curled up or sprawled out or clutching a stuffed pink kitten and you think, “Holy cow!  These little people are mine…”

If you get to the end of this list and immediately think of something to add to it.  Please feel free to do so in the comments!

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.


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