Yahoos on the Internet

Thirty eight years ago, my mother entered into motherhood carrying a single copy of Dr. Spocks The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care and the wisdom of generations of successful child-rearing as close as the nearest telephone.  She got to stay in the hospital with me a lot longer than post-partum moms and babies do now, learning from the nurses and following her instincts as she got to know the squalling pink bundle of life that was her baby.  As crazy as it seems, my parents raised all four of us kids without the benefit of the internet.

I mean, can you believe it? 

'Fess up: don't you let your fingers do the walking before you even think of calling your pediatrician?  Haven’t you Googled "When is a baby dehydrated?" or "pink spots on trunk" before speed-dialing the doc?  I know I have.  You'll find any number of child-rearing search terms in my search histories. 

Quite often, these searches lead me to the archived questions posed on a myriad of parenting boards: Parents.com, WhattoExpect.com, Parenting.com, TheBump.com – the options are endless.  Participation in these forums can be entertaining, informative, outrageous, hostile, and sometimes downright side-splitting hilarious.

As a member of several of these forums over the last six-years-and-a-couple-of-months, I've learned that there are a handful of topics guaranteed to ignite passionate responses, usually from posters drowning in exhaustion and stretched to their limits second guessing every parenting choice they've ever made.  This, as any parent of a kid older than three days knows, is every choice you make.

Breast or bottle?  Circumcision?  Cloth or disposable?  Vaccinating?  Staying at home or working?  Cry-it-out?  Solids at 2 months, 4 months, 6 months or more? Spanking or time-outs?  Organic foods?  Sign language?  Extended rear-facing or forward facing car seats?  Car seat or booster?  Preschool?  Sports or arts?  Dollars for grades?  Public or private?  School or home school?  TV and video games?  Chores?  Allowance?  Cell phones?  Make-up?  Dating?  Chaperoned or unchaperoned?  Discipline?  Cars?  Sex?  School?  Jobs?  How young is too young to….?

The glut of information out there is astounding.  Everyone has an opinion on everything and a website to back it up.  Sifting through the sheer number of options is exhausting and overwhelming.  And if you dare to express your opinion on hot-button topic in an online forum, be sure to wear some flame-retardant gear, because you will encounter someone with an opposing viewpoint who will cite a dozen sources telling you why the choice you’re making for your child is wrong.  Because to someone out there, it is.

Coming of age as a parent in the digital world is oh-so-convenient in so many ways.  Say, for example, you think, "Gee, wouldn’t it be nice if there was a product that would do this for me?"  You search on this product, discover that there are several models that will do what you want.  You read dozens of reviews and make a very informed purchase, then turn around and review it for other consumers.  This is a really great application of the internet.  I love doing this and have found myself rarely disappointed by a product that I purchase after researching it thoroughly.

But researching parenting choices?  I think that finding a universal answer to "How should I diaper my baby?" implies that every baby needs the same thing and that thing will work for every family.  And that simply isn't the case.  What works for one family could be a disaster for another.  But, when given the distance and anonymity of online posting, some parents can champion their way of life in such a strident manner that their advice comes across as condescending, rude, and downright spiteful. 

When presented with a ridiculous number of choices, it is so easy for one to shut down and not make any choice at all.  Or try all of them in rapid succession, flitting from one idea to another so fast your family is getting whiplash.  Most concerning is following the advice of someone who telling you to do something downright dangerous.  I'm not a doctor and I never pretend to be one – I have found that if my gut is telling me something is wrong with one of my kids, it usually is and I call a real doctor for real medical advice, I don't listen to some yahoo on the internet.

Sometimes the answers to the most difficult questions are often the easiest.  The baseline question should always be "Is this working for my family?"  If it is, then you’ve found your answer.  If it isn't?  Maybe you should call your mom…