What's My Name Again?

"C-o-u-r-t-e-n, yes, I said t-E-n-a-y.  No, A-y.  Really, it is E-n-A-y.  I promise!"

I have had to spell my name aloud nearly every day of my life.  I'm fine with it and don't even bother to correct misspellings on most stuff, but for the important things, I do have to have it spelled correctly.  Either that or some other Courtney/Kourtney/Courtnee/Kortni will get my bills, and I'm too honest to let that happen.  When I was named 38 years ago, my name was far less popular than it is now.  That's fine by me – I was born into a sea of Jennifers, Stacys, And Michelles, so my name was a bit different. 

Naming your child is a huge decision, and one no parent takes lightly.  It's the very first meaningful gift you give your child, and, for most people, it will follow them the rest of their lives. 

I remember that during the years before my husband and I had kids, we drew up a list of names we loved for the children we hoped to have.  And then we actually started having children and our first list felt… not right.  So we tossed it.  We poured over baby name books, circling ones we liked, crossing off ones we hated.  That strategy worked through the boy names that started with A, after which, we gave up.  The book had 10,001 names in it!  Talk about overwhelming.

• We didn't want our child to sound ridiculous.  I could never name my kid ToasterOven. 
• Lots of popular names have associations – both good and bad – for both of us.  I couldn't use a name belonging to the boy who unknowingly broke my heart in sixth grade, for example.  My husband would hear a name and think of a movie character he detested.  So Terminator was out, all right, already.
• We could name after a family member, but some of our family names were… a little… clunky when paired with our last name.  Besides, we didn't want anyone to feel left out or that we had a favorite parent or something.
• We come from a creative background (the The-a-tah), so a very plain name seemed ironic.  But something too far out seemed pretentious. 
• I insisted on something easy to spell.  I love my name, but haven't always loved spelling it aloud.

We talked.  And talked.  And talked.  And talked.  And decided that we wouldn't insist on a name that the other absolutely hated.  And that neither of us picked both the first and middle names of any of our kids.  That strategy worked for us and we both agreed upon all of the names of our kids before they were born, with no fighting (whew!).

But we didn't tell anyone.  That's actually the biggest piece of naming advice I have for any expectant parent: don't share the names of your kids until they have arrived and been named.  For two reasons – one, no one with any manners will comment on a name when presented with the beautiful baby to whom it is attached, and, two, if you change your mind, you don't have to return monogrammed or personalized items.  There's nothing like a thank-you note that reads, "Thank you so much for the super cute quilt!  We need to know who did the embroidery, though, because we decided to name her Hermione instead of Anne."  Or a great-aunt-to-be who blurts out, "Oh, my!  That’s a terrible name!  Please don't use that!"

My other piece of advice: choose a name that you and your partner love.  Whether it is common or classic, or trendy or unusual, choose it because you can't imagine NOT giving it to a person you're going to adore the rest of your life.  If you love your child so much that you just have to name her ToasterOven, go for it!  But don't be offended if people blink a few times before telling you what a pretty baby she is.  Or ask if they can use her to warm their bagel.

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